Dear AA,
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I have been in love with my brother in law for a lot of years. He is married to my husband's sister.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years and they have for about 13.
My brother in law and I have been having an affair for the best part of five years now.
We have always kept it under control, nobody has any idea.
I have had enough of lurking in shadows and hiding our feelings.
I want us to leave our respective partners and get together properly.
My brother in law has gone to water and has started making excuses for why we shouldn't.
I get all the negatives and that people will be hurt, we will lose friends etc etc.
Surely life is too short to live half a life.
How can I give him the confidence to move ahead?
Thank you in advance,
Mary
AGONY AUNT
Well, what a mess this has become!
Everybody thinks they can enter into a physical affair and keep the emotions at bay.
Rarely is this possible. You seem to have fallen into the trap of believing that you are now in love with your brother in law and you can set up house and live happily ever after. Wrong!
Sometimes, it is smarter to quit while you are ahead.
Did you not ever stop and consider the ramifications of continuing your tryst?
Indeed, did he ever think about where this was all heading?
I tend to agree with the Boys Club - it doesn't appear that he wants to take your relationship to the next level, whatever that might be.
Perhaps it is time to leave off with this affair and get to work on mending your marriage. Perhaps you should also feel very grateful that nobody is any the wiser, nobody has been hurt, nobody's life has been turned upside down by your actions.
Sometimes, it is smarter to quit while you are ahead.
AA
BOYS CLUB
It doesn't sound like he really wants to move on with you.
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