Wagga’s Agony Aunt answers your questions

My wife and I have been together for nearly 15 years.

Our marriage has never been perfect, but we have managed to stay together and if gauged against other couples, we are happy.

We have both been married before with kids.

A couple of weeks ago my wife’s ex-husband died.

My wife is completely grief-stricken over his death.

She has said things such as, “I can’t believe he is gone” etc. 

She has been crying practically every day nonstop.

I feel as though she is still in love with him and is going to miss him and that perhaps I don't count.

I feel the opposite way about my ex-wife (mother of my kids).

If she died, I would be throwing a huge party. I’d celebrate, not cry.

I can’t imagine anyone being this upset over someone they haven’t had a relationship with in 15 years. 

I can’t help feeling that because she is so upset about this death, that maybe there was more going on between them over the years, during the time we’ve been together. 

Am I wrong in thinking this?


Well I don’t really know about this one. I don’t think you should assume there was something going on but I must say your depiction of her behaviour would certainly confuse most people.

I do know that often people who have been divorced for a long period of time start to forget both why they broke up and the sort of person they broke up from. Something akin to time healing all wounds.

It’s all just smoke and mirrors really as most people who try to ‘reheat the souffle’ find out.

Look maybe she is just the overly emotional type or maybe there are some unresolved guilt issues here.

I have seen people throw amazing spectacles of grief over people they hardly give a fig over so don’t get too caught up in the theatrics.

My advice is to give her your support and don’t question your role in her life especially at this moment in time.

After all she has been with you for a long time, be positive and go the distance.



You are probably wrong!